?~Questions~?

Is it bad that I feel like I'm failing in so many areas? Is it bad when I find myself constantly apologizing for things that are absolutely out of my control? Is it bad that sometimes I feel like I just want to be alone for a little while, just to have some "me" time? Am I a good wife? Am I a good mother? These are the things I find I ask myself ALL the time lately.

The biggest fear in my life is failing as a mother and as a wife. I am constantly praying that God can help me be the best mother I can be for Cash, and the greatest wife to Dusty. My family is everything to me and I just hope I'm doing everything right. What if I'm not being a good example for Cash? Do I pray for him enough? Is he watching too much TV? Do I feed him too much? Was that nap too long? Is it bad that I let him skip his bath last night? Should I have stayed home instead of spending time with the girls? Do I show Dusty enough affection? Do I tell him I appreciate him enough? Do I pray for Dusty enough? What if it's not enough???! What if, what if, WHAT IF?!? So I'm sure everyone reading this is now convinced I'm a crazy woman who needs some serious counseling! I truly am a very happy girl I just have a million things running through my head right now. That's normal for a mom right?

That should be enough of the questions for today... **sigh** Okay I feel better now! Thank you for listening and letting me vent. Now on to some non-depressing things. Cash is now 21 pounds and still changing everyday. What a joy this child is! He is now saying "da da" at times, and sometimes he says "gat gat gat" which almost sounds like "cat." All of those words are exciting, but he has stopped saying "ma ma" which makes me frown a little. No big deal though I know there are a lot of words coming soon, and mamma will be one that I'm sure I will hear very often. He's finally enjoying his tummy a little more these days. He rolls all over the place, but still no crawling. I have mixed emotions about crawling anyway. I'm not a big fan of crawling around our hard tile floors through out the house and getting dog/cat hair all over him. I could sweep and mop everyday and still not take care of all the hair. YUCK! Who is tired of animals?? Yes, that would be me! Cash has also started temper tantrums a little early. I was told that tantrums started around 2 years of age...you know the "terrible two's." How come no one told me that wasn't true?! If Cash doesn't get what he wants he bows his back, kicks, screams and slaps his legs with his hands! I can't help but laugh, and I know that is really bad, but it's kinda cute at the same time. I think his tantrums are because of his sweet Gram that gives him anything he wants! Guess that's her God given right as a grandmother and that is just fine for now. I'm sure it has NOTHING to do with the way I spoil him.....wait, did I just admit I spoil him too?? Ooops! In the future I will just take Cash to my moms so she can take care of the tantrums herself! (hee hee ;)

Cash is now holding his own bottle! Makes out life a little easier in the mornings. He wakes up, we change his diaper, sit him on our bed and give him the bottle! He usually just grabs it out of our hands and starts drinking. After his bottle is finished he entertains himself with his toys and watches "Blues Clues." That has helped us a lot while we are trying to get dressed for work. We are really ready for some summertime weather! I cannot wait to get out of the house with Cash and do some more productive things! Hopefully, good weather and great activities will be the highlight in my next blog. Let's just hope that's very soon!

Family Traditions...

I am so excited about Christmas this year! I went to my aunt's church last night to hear her speak about her life with breast cancer, and listened to other people speak about their family traditions at Christmas. It made me think about starting our own traditions. I am so excited about starting new traditions with Dusty and Cash, but the question is, what should we do?!?!

My mom, dad, brother and I always decorated the Christmas tree together. Every year, my mom and I would go to hallmark and shop for those special decorations. We have several different "collectable series'" decorations as well as other decorations that reminded us of what happened through out the year. Last year, we bought breast cancer awareness decorations, in honor of my aunt, and "Our First Christmas together" decorations, since it was mine and Dusty's first year as a married couple. Mom always likes to get a Christmas ball with the date on it too. She has been collecting decorations since 1978 when my brother was born. You cannot imagine how many memories are packed in that one tree! It tells the story of my family! I love it!

Our tree is decorated, lights are on the house, and only a few Christmas presents left to buy! I don't know what to do for Cash this Christmas. Should I buy anything this year? Considering he doesn't really know what's going on, I just don't know if I should. Yet I feel guilty that I'm even thinking about not doing anything for him! I want to make sure that in the future, Dusty and I teach Cash the true meaning of Christmas. Maybe that should be our first tradition as a new family! We should read to him the story of Christmas every year so he will always know the real meaning of Christmas is not how many presents you get, but the birth of Jesus Christ! Maybe we should start picking from the "Angel Tree" and buy for the needy before we buy for others. Hmm....'Lots to think about!

Strength and Thankfulness....

So today we hit the 5 month mark! WOW how time has just zoomed by. I'm so thankful for this precious gift from God. There is not a day or night that goes by that I don't rock our child to sleep, and just praise God for him. I feel so blessed that I have this healthy son that wakes up with a grin on his face every morning. I'm so thankful that when I put him to bed at night, I don't have to worry about breathing problems, or heart conditions, or the surgeries that he will face in the future. I'm so thankful for my loving family and friends who takes care of him so I don't have to take him to daycare. I am so thankful that I have a loving, supportive husband who is an amazing father to Cash. I'm thankful that I have an amazing job with understanding family-oriented people, who understand if I have to leave when he gets sick or leave if I don't have someone to watch him.

I saw my good friend from grade school to high school at the mall the other day. I cannot even begin to describe the strength her and her husband have. Her son was born with a heart murmur, and will have to have surgery when he is 6 months, and will likely have complications after his surgery too. The whole time she is describing the conditions her sweet precious son has, she continues to have a smile on her face. A smile that shows that her trust is in the Lord, and that He will keep their son well. I know that I would never have the strength she has. Her and her husband are two people that I will look up to and think about for the rest of my life! Any time I am going through a tough time with Cash I will think of them and their strength, and I know I will be able to pull through any struggle I have with Cash. Jennifer and Chris, thank you for being such an awesome example to me. I will pray for you Chris and Connor every day! Your strength is an inspiration to me!

We took Christmas pictures yesterday and I am SO pleased with them!!! Cash was great for the 1st 30 minutes, but he got hungry and super fussy half way through and so we had to stop. I was so sad because I had these really cute Christmas p.j.'s that I wanted him to take pictures in, and we weren't able to. Who knows....maybe we will take some more later. My good friend Scott used to take all of our pictures, but he has moved out of town. I was really worried about finding a photographer that I trust and was reasonably priced. My mom's customer recommended Portrait Innovations and I love it!! It's very cheap for all the pictures you get. There is no sitting fee, they take a ton of pictures, then you pick the ones you want and they have them printed in 15 minutes! They even do the greeting cards and print pictures up to 10x13 in size. Anyway, you can see more of the pics on my facebook.

We got some bitter-sweet news yesterday. Our friends Ashley and Shane are going to be moving to Amarillo. I'm so sad that they are leaving, but it's good for them because Ash got a promotion. She is leaving on Monday and Shane will move when their house is re-rented. So if anyone is in need of a 3x2x2 for $875 per month let me know and I will get you in touch with her. It's so sad to see our good friends leave!!! Cash will miss his buddy Kason when they go ;-( but I'm sure they will visit. That's all I have for now! Not much else going on!

So, Cash wakes up this morning talking to himself and I go to his crib and I'm watching him babble and he has his fingers in his mouth as usual. I decide to check his gums for teeth.....sure enough, just as I suspected! He is cutting a tooth!! WOW! Am I ready for this?? I mean, I knew that he was teething because of the huge wetspots on all of his clothes each day from the drool, and he's putting everything in his mouth, but when I found a tooth actually coming through it's like everything flashed before my eyes from his birth to now! I know I'm being super dramatic about this, but I didn't think time would fly this fast! Believe it or not....This is the first full week Cash has actually slept all night without waking up. Thank God we have overcome that....Well for now at least. ;-)

Last night I was about to give Cash a bath and I'm holding him over my shoulder and we were both looking in the mirror, and he literally spit up all over me, all over him and it even went in my SLIPPERS!!! Ugh! So gross. Dusty watched the whole thing like it was in slow motion and laughed until he could hardly breathe! Funny story of the day. hehehee

New to the Blogging!

Well here we go.....





I have seen a couple people do this and I love it so I'm gonna try for myself.





Oh my sweet boy Cash! I cannot tell you all what a joy it is to have my son. I never knew I could love someone so much! He is 4 months old now and growing so fast. It seems like he is a month ahead of most babies. He is now 17+ pounds and 25 1/2" long, he's eating rice and apple sauce from a spoon, babbling ALL the time and almost sitting up by himself. I've been reading "What to Expect in the 1st Year" and it seems like everything he is suppose to be starting in the 5th month, he's doing now. It makes me so proud, but at the same time I want him to slow down because I know how time flies. Before I know it he's going to be walking! I'm pretty sure he is going to skip crawling and just start walking.





We went to the Dr. for his 4 month check up a couple weeks ago. I asked Dr. Mac if he should be rolling over. Her response was "Well that happens between 4 and 6 months, but considering the fact that he is such a big boy, he may not roll over because he is too big to." As I give her this surprised look she assures me that he is not "fat" he's just a big boy because of his dad and that's a lot of weight for him to try to roll over. Poor baby! To be honest I really don't want him to crawl. Most of our house is ceramic tile and that can't be very good on his knees. On top of that, we have animals and the hair they shed is just GROSS! I try to keep it swept but it's not easy and it's time consuming.



We are taking Christmas pictures this Friday so as soon as I get them I will post them.