Tuesday, February 9, 2010


Is it bad that I feel like I'm failing in so many areas? Is it bad when I find myself constantly apologizing for things that are absolutely out of my control? Is it bad that sometimes I feel like I just want to be alone for a little while, just to have some "me" time? Am I a good wife? Am I a good mother? These are the things I find I ask myself ALL the time lately.

The biggest fear in my life is failing as a mother and as a wife. I am constantly praying that God can help me be the best mother I can be for Cash, and the greatest wife to Dusty. My family is everything to me and I just hope I'm doing everything right. What if I'm not being a good example for Cash? Do I pray for him enough? Is he watching too much TV? Do I feed him too much? Was that nap too long? Is it bad that I let him skip his bath last night? Should I have stayed home instead of spending time with the girls? Do I show Dusty enough affection? Do I tell him I appreciate him enough? Do I pray for Dusty enough? What if it's not enough???! What if, what if, WHAT IF?!? So I'm sure everyone reading this is now convinced I'm a crazy woman who needs some serious counseling! I truly am a very happy girl I just have a million things running through my head right now. That's normal for a mom right?

That should be enough of the questions for today... **sigh** Okay I feel better now! Thank you for listening and letting me vent. Now on to some non-depressing things. Cash is now 21 pounds and still changing everyday. What a joy this child is! He is now saying "da da" at times, and sometimes he says "gat gat gat" which almost sounds like "cat." All of those words are exciting, but he has stopped saying "ma ma" which makes me frown a little. No big deal though I know there are a lot of words coming soon, and mamma will be one that I'm sure I will hear very often. He's finally enjoying his tummy a little more these days. He rolls all over the place, but still no crawling. I have mixed emotions about crawling anyway. I'm not a big fan of crawling around our hard tile floors through out the house and getting dog/cat hair all over him. I could sweep and mop everyday and still not take care of all the hair. YUCK! Who is tired of animals?? Yes, that would be me! Cash has also started temper tantrums a little early. I was told that tantrums started around 2 years of age...you know the "terrible two's." How come no one told me that wasn't true?! If Cash doesn't get what he wants he bows his back, kicks, screams and slaps his legs with his hands! I can't help but laugh, and I know that is really bad, but it's kinda cute at the same time. I think his tantrums are because of his sweet Gram that gives him anything he wants! Guess that's her God given right as a grandmother and that is just fine for now. I'm sure it has NOTHING to do with the way I spoil him.....wait, did I just admit I spoil him too?? Ooops! In the future I will just take Cash to my moms so she can take care of the tantrums herself! (hee hee ;)

Cash is now holding his own bottle! Makes out life a little easier in the mornings. He wakes up, we change his diaper, sit him on our bed and give him the bottle! He usually just grabs it out of our hands and starts drinking. After his bottle is finished he entertains himself with his toys and watches "Blues Clues." That has helped us a lot while we are trying to get dressed for work. We are really ready for some summertime weather! I cannot wait to get out of the house with Cash and do some more productive things! Hopefully, good weather and great activities will be the highlight in my next blog. Let's just hope that's very soon!


  1. Hi tiffany..this is Lacye Fellers (Now its lacye kalivoda) Cash is such a cutie. I read your blog and i just wanted to offer you a little encouragement. I went through (and still do at times) all of those emotions you mentioned about sometimes just not feeling like you are doing it ALL right ALL the time. I think it is normal and you obviously care about your family or you would not worry about it so much. I pray you can take a deep breath and realize the Lord will guide you and give you peace if you ask Him to. He created Cash for YOU to mother and he blessed your life with Dusty...non of that was on accident and HE knows what HE is doing through you!! You are a great woman!! I hope you have a great week and enjoy your boys!!!

  2. You are a wonderful Mother and a wonderful wife. Cash doesn't judge what you do or where you go and who it's with. I think you do an amazing job and that sweet boy LOVES his mommy. I think all mothers have those questions and what if's. I do every night when I have to give Jovi a bottle instead of nurse her (and secretly cry because I can't). I question whether or not I should have bathed her that night instead of waiting (just as you) I wonder should I have given her less formula in the bottle since she had sweet patatoes earlier? Is she getting "too chunky"? I want to be the best mom I can be and try so hard... I think that's why we question ourselves so much.

  3. Tiff - - I don't want to sound patronizing, but you are feeling the feelings any good mother feels. I am 38, have 4 kids, and STILL ask myself the same questions almost every day. Trust God. Pray for you kid. Pray for your husband. Pray for yourself. God will get you through this. You are a beautiful child to Him and he cares about your every need and desire. Just know that I love and pray for you guys too! -Lis